Bye Bye Baby...

Hello crazy toddler! My dear, sweet, precious baby boy is turning one year old on Thursday. How can this be? Just yesterday, I found out I was pregnant. Just yesterday, I found out I was having a little boy. Just yesterday, I felt the first flutter in my belly. Just yesterday, I had the worst heartburn, ever. Just yesterday, he had the hiccups and my whole body shook from the vibrations. Just yesterday, we laid in bed and watched my nightgown shift around from all the utero gymnastics. Just yesterday, my MIL threw me a beautiful baby shower and we celebrated with all of my closest and dearest friends. Just yesterday, I packed the suitcase for the hospital, knowing I would need it very soon. Just yesterday, I was jolted out of bed by the strangest feeling I'd ever had. Just yesterday, Matt drove me to the hospital where 10 hours later, we'd finally meet the love of our lives. It all feels like just yesterday and the fact that it's not, makes me kind of sad.

I don't want life to go by this quickly. I want to go back that moment when I felt you move in my belly for the first time. I want to go back to that moment when I felt my first contraction. I want to go back to that moment when the nurse first handed you to me. I want to go back to that moment when I looked over and saw Daddy holding you, like he was holding the most delicate piece of china that he wouldn't dare drop. I want to go back to that moment when we finally chose your name, Brendan Matthew. I want to go back to that moment when we were finally alone together in the hospital...I whispered "You and I are going to be together forever." And I swear you smiled. I want to go back to that first night at home with you, all snuggled up in your bassinet next to our bed. I remember thinking, "So...this is my family."

This past year has been indescribable. I don't think Daddy and I had ever known the power of love until you made your way into our lives. We dote on your every move and hang on your every...jibber jabber. Your simple little smile can make our hearts burst. The sound of your sweet voice, the touch of your soft little hand, the smell of your hair, the chubbiness of your feet, the legs that I could eat up all day long, the infamous round cheeks, the perfect little nose, the big, brilliant blue eyes, and the most amazing personality. You're perfect at only one year old, and you've got an entire lifetime to go.

Time is going to keep marching on, you're going to get older, and soon you won't be sitting at my feet with your little arms stretched up as if to say "Momma, I need you." I am writing this letter to tell you that you will never be too old to need me. You can sit with me any ol' time and stretch out your arms because that's what I will be best at. I will always be best at you needing me.

I am going to try to muddle through the week without crying as your birthday quickly approaches, but I can't make any promises. My sweet baby boy is fast asleep upstairs on his belly with his little tushy sticking straight up in the air, and I want so badly for him to stay up there forever. Where I can see him, protect him, and continue to need him, just as much as he needs me.

We love you Brendan Matthew. We will always, always love you.