Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Brendan is 5.

You read that correctly. My son is 5 years old today. The son I used to blog about as a tiny baby and crazy toddler. I think I'm in shock. I pulled up this old blog lastnight and was completely overwhelmed with the memories that came flooding back to me. What a treasure this blog is. I cannot believe I used to have the time to write in this thing, but am so glad I chose to do so. The stories in this blog are stories that my kids will read years from now. Even if I started out strong when I had all the time in the world to write, and now I barely have the time to shower...I am so thankful for what I do have here. So it looks as if my last post was from 2010. Fo realz? I can't believe it. 2011 must have been a damn good year. We took 2 summer vacations, one to Emerald Isle and another to Idaho. Although it was just a Mommy and Son to trip to Idaho. We will all go as a family this year. B and I were lucky enough to miss Hurrican Irene and get out of dodge before it struck the northeast. Poor Daddy and Ryan were without power (and TV!) for days while Brendan and I enjoyed the God's Country out in the great northwest. But it was for the best. Ryan was still too little to travel and it was wonderful to spend some alone time with Brendan. Something I don't get much of anymore. So the kids are growing like weeds. Brendan is into trucks, cars, and anything construction or landscaping (still!) and Ryan is a typical girly girl. Loves to push her stroller around with an animal or dolly buckled up inside. Her hair is incredible. Curls Ga-LORE. I can't take her anywhere without someone literally stopping me to comment on the girl's hair. She's beautiful, sweet, funny, so incredibly smart, and so affectionate. She's polite, rarely throws tantrums (yet?) and is just so happy. She has a love for food most parents would kill for. I mean good food. Fruits, veggies, meats, dairy. She eats it all, while parents are pureeing broccoli and pouring it into muffins as some sort of clever disuise. I don't have to do that, proudly enough. My precious daughter is everything I ever imagined and more. I couldn't imagine life without her. ( I should be saying "we." Husband loves her a lot too. :) So....Brendan is 5. 5 years ago at this very moment I was snuggling in a hospital bed with a lumpy, warm little newborn. I will never forget those moments with him. I just stared at him. Every move was like watching an intense basketball game. "Oh! He yawned! Oh! He stretched! Oh! He blinked! Oh! He pooped! He shoots! He scores!" I just gazed at him. I remember thinking, this can't be real. He's not mine. What did I do to deserve this kind of pure happiness? And if someone had warned me how much stress comes with raising boys, I may have just left him behind at that hospital and ran for my life. Kidding. Kind of. :) Brendan is my toughie. Ryan is supposedly in her terrible 2's but I wouldn't even know it, because truth be told, I am always dealing with the Brendan drama. I think that's the way he prefers it. The more drama he creates, the less I am paying attention to Ryan. Whatever the case, he can be a huge giant pain in the ass and I just want to throw my hands up in the air sometimes and say "I give up, Lord! I cannot pass this test!" But then, looking back....wow. My life has been incredible with these 2 kids in it. So incredible, that I have no time to blog anymore. :) Or at least that's my excuse because surely I am not lazy! I am quite happy to say that we are so busy soaking up life that even if I only get little spurts of time to write, I am okay with that. My memory and my kids memories will have all kinds of stories to hold, not just this blog. Anyway, since I did manage to find some time to write, let me say this: Brendan turned 5 years old today and I feel like his life has just gone by in a flash. I used to want to smack the people who'd say "don't blink, or you'll miss it." They were so right. Happy 5th Birthday, Brendan. We love you more than words can ever say.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Dear Sissy,

One year ago tonight, I was laying on the couch watching "Desperate Housewives" while gripping a pillow and wincing in pain. You were on your merry way. I looked over at Dada and said "I betcha anything you won't be going to work tomorrow!" He didn't mind. I couldn't believe you were about to be born and I cry now as I write, because looking back to that night, it's hard to imagine I hadn't yet met you. You weren't really in our lives just yet, and now, we can't imagine life without your crystal blue eyes and contagious smile.

Sometime around 5 a.m. (my memory is a bit weary) we called Grandma to come and sit with your big brother so that we could head to the hospital. I remember being sad that I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to him since it was so early. I went around the corner to head up the stairs for my hospital bag, and there he was, sitting on the stairs. He'd heard the commotion. Even though it was so early in the morning, I was so happy he'd woken up. I told him that when Daddy and I return, he would be a big brother and I kissed him goodbye. I may have also left him with a new toy. (Mommy guilt) Then, we were hospital bound.

The birthing process is never pretty, so I'll focus on the good stuff. It was so exciting to lay in bed and wait for you to arrive. Painful, very painful, but so exciting. I wondered who you'd look like. Would you look like me? Dada? Brendan? Would you have a ton of black hair like your brother had when he was born? Would you be quiet as a mouse in the nursery and win all the nurses hearts over with your teeny little voice? And most importantly, would our lives change just as much as they did, when Brendan entered our lives?

Well, to answer all of the above. You looked just like Brendan did, minus the hair because you were born without one strand. You had the cutest nose that we pegged immediately as Deepah's. (Grandpa, for those reading) You were NOT so quiet in the nursery, and they were ever-so-anxious to bring you right back to me after each trip to the nursery. And last but not least, you have changed our lives in more ways than you can ever imagine. Sometimes I look at you and Brendan playing on the floor, and life before the two of you almost seems nonexistent. I got more sleep back then, but I wouldn't trade this life for anything in the world.

So, at 1 year old, here are your stats:

You're almost walking but still not quite sure. I am fine with that BTW.

You have 6 teeth. 4 on the bottom, 2 on top that just came through, like yesterday.

You loooove books. You sit and turn the pages, point to objects, and laugh.

You looooove dolls already. You hug them and sway from side to side.

You looooove music. The only way Dada can make you happy sometimes is to turn on iTunes and blast the volume. It may be your calling.

You took yourself off the bottle last week. I cried over that one. There's nothing I loved more than holding you first thing in the morning, all dressed in your cozy pajamas, while you drank your ba-ba.

You love Brendan's blankie, which has caused some problems. You have 3 of your own, yet you want his. There's something about that blankie....

All of the sudden you despise baths. Hated them as a newborn, then loved them for a few months, now hating them again. So, you get very few baths.

You make us belly laugh like no other. Especially Brendan. He'll never admit it, but he loves to laugh at you. Everything you do is "so silly" he says. "That sissy is so silly, right Mama?"

You've got just about enough hair for a bow.

You're a human garbage disposal. You eat, and eat, and eat. There is no food out there that you do not like. You also like toilet paper, leaves, and socks.

I will find out this week how big you are getting. I can't believe we're headed to your one year appointment in a few days. I just can't believe it. It was just yesterday that I layed on the couch with you, many nights, rocking you to sleep. I enjoyed those quiet moments, just you and me. I couldn't believe I had a baby girl to follow my baby boy around.

Sissy, Ry-Ry, Diva, Crazy lady, Ry-Lo, Rhino, munchkaroo, Snotty McSnotty Pants....whatever the nickname is for the day....We Love You. Thank you for making us belly laugh.

Happy, Happy 1st Birthday! (tomorrow.)


Monday, October 18, 2010

Dear Ryan....

Back when your brother was born, I had all kinds of time on my hands. Apart from doing laundry, changing diapers, back-to-back feedings, vomit clean-ups in aisle 4, and finding time for the occasional shower, I spent my days staring at him...blogging about him...and writing him letters. Lots and lots of letters.

I have to be honest, I don't have that kind of time these days. I have you! But, you still deserve a love letter from your Mama before you turn 1 year old next month. Even if I wake up feeling all kinds of tired and crabby tomorrow, because it's way past my bedtime! But as I said, you deserve some written words from me.

From the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, I knew you'd always keep me guessing. After 3 different pregnancy tests, all reading strangely different results, I was happy to find out that the positive one was right on the money. I came out of the bathroom and told Brendan he was going to be a Big Brother! He acted excited but really had no idea what was to come. Then Daddy came home from work, and I told him. He was very excited also. We couldn't wait to make our family a happy foursome.

This is you, inside Mommy:

I was miserable the first few months of pregnancy with you. I don't know why they call it "morning sickness" because I was nauseous from morning til night. Once that subsided, the heartburn and reflux was next up to kill me. I couldn't eat or drink water. Convenient! Orange juice commercials alone sent me running for the TUMS. I craved peanut butter, bagels, waffles, donuts, doritos, anything mexican, and ice chips. I chewed so many ice chips that I eventually broke a tooth at 38 weeks pregnant and wound up in the dentist chair. "Are you sure you're not at the wrong dr. office, Mrs. Lotty?" Nope! Fix my tooth so I can get back to chewing ice chips please! And make it snappy, I gotta pee!

You were very active at night. I never slept because you were testing out your fancy dance moves on all of my bodily organs. I remember laying in bed, watching my pajamas move all over the place as you moved and grooved. I almost miss that feeling...

Brendan curiously watched my belly grow bigger and asked me if you were going to like cars. Judging from the way you danced inside the womb, I didn't have the heart to tell him you'd prefer all girly things, but I was wrong. You DO love cars. Actually, you love anything as long as he is playing along side you.

Finally on a chilly Sunday night, I beached myself on the couch to watch "Desperate Housewives" and winced in pain. Major pain. I knew you'd be arriving very soon. I told Daddy I didn't think he'd be going to work the next day. I was right:

There you were, one day early. You entered this world with attitude, girlfriend. Brendan was so quiet in the nursery, they had to check his pulse. You, on the other hand, could be heard for miles. And miles. You screamed for the first 4 months of your life. We're very proud of ourselves for keeping our cool and not leaving you in a basket on the church steps. Because then we wouldn't get to see this face each and every day:

Your brother wasn't so sure of you at first. Okay, so he finally just warmed up to you just in time for your 1st Birthday. I think he's figured out that you're not going anywhere, so he better just suck it up and start showing you some love. He's a true big brother- likes to tell you what to do. I'm just hoping it will stick when you turn 16. "Don't go out with that guy, Sissy, I'll tell Mama." He does love you, so, so much. You're the first thing he asks for in the morning, and the last thing he talks about at night. "I wuv Sissy, I wike to share my toys wif her." He likes to build towers out of plastic cups or paper towels and laughs hysterically when you knock them over:

And when he really, really loves you, he lets you take his wheels for a spin:

I don't want to embarrass Daddy so I'll keep this part simple. Your bond with Dada is something pretty special. He gets mad at me for being at Brendan's disposal, but I just know the second you're able to talk with that sweet little voice, he'll be tripping all over himself to wait on you. Right now his mission is to get you walking. I am not ready for that, but can't wait to see you running around the backyard with your Daddy and big brother either.

At 11 months old, you are just the craziest little thing we've ever seen. The craziest! You crawl at lightning speed. You eat everything and anything you can get your hands on. You dance to every tune. You clap your hands when Brendan smiles at you. You say "Mama" and "Dada" already. You can spot a piece of jewelry from across the room, and immediately notice if I've painted my nails. You put any object up to your ear and pretend it's a phone. You find things in drawers we didn't know we had. You love your Grandma and Deepah and shriek with delight when you see them. You're always on the go, yet you love a few seconds of cuddling from time to time. I'd love to say that you sit and read books like Brendan did when he was a baby, but sitting still is simply not your style my little friend.

I have to be honest and say that I always thought I'd have boys. I never thought I'd be the mother of a daughter. I am terrified of all sorts of things...I mean, I don't even know how to accessorize or how to properly apply make-up, so how the heck am I going to set a good example for you? I guess we'll just have to figure it out together, you and I.

Thank you for coming into our lives, and keeping us on our toes. You've certainly got spunk, and we cannot wait to see what you do with it. Those big blue eyes and magical laughter have lit up our world in ways we can't describe. Life with you, is wonderful.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

5 Years

I was supposed to post this last week as a little tribute to our 5 year wedding anniversary, but as usual, kids get in the way.

The husband and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary on October 1st. I cannot believe it's been that long already since we made a lifelong commitment to eachother....

I knew from the moment I met him, that we'd be together. Really. I sat down next to him in a bar, was immediately mesmerized by his baby blue eyes, and haven't looked back since. I couldn't believe he was single. I just thought he was the most handsome man I'd ever met. Still is.

I don't think you'll be shocked when I show you the coolest things my husband has ever given me:

But he's also given me other things throughout the years....

More laughter

...and love of course. Lots and lots of love.

Happy 5 Year (and one week) Anniversary, Matthew. :)

Saturday, September 25, 2010


I turn 32 years of age today. I am healthy, I live in a lovely home, and am married to the best man in the world. I have two incredible children, an amazing, supportive family, and great friends. I never thought in a million years I would end up this lucky. I am so blessed.

Happy Birthday to me. :)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Paging June Cleaver

Failing sucks. And lately, I feel as though I'm failing miserably as a mother. I just wish I could go back and un-do it all, and start over. Start fresh. I suppose that would take the entire journey away, and that's what parenting is: a journey. I wish I could've been more prepared for its ups and downs. And for the times that there are so many more downs than ups. I just want happy children, and one of them never seems to be happy. Can you guess which one?

I also just wish I would stop letting the chaos get to me and take it like a grown-up, instead of throwing tantrums like my 3 year old. Where is the June Cleaver in me? Why can't I just stand there in my apron and pearls and fancy up-do and say "Well dear, when you're done throwing matchbox cars at me and your sister, you can join us for supper." Instead I get so angry at him for acting like a 3 year old. Because you know, he's THREE.

How do teen parents do it? You know, those 16 year olds that pop out several kids. I'm 32 and can barely keep it together. I'm sure they don't have it together either, but at the moment, everyone else seems so much better off than we are...

Off to snuggle with the one who never seems to be happy. Hoping for better days to come. It's all I can do.

Deep Thoughts by Brendan

"How long will Sissy live here? She needs her own house and her own toys."